It’s not everyday that you realize that one thing that sets you off too often. Not everyday it is that you discover that you finally have the power to improve yourself and alter a few emotions within you, for good. Hear me out!
I have always found people telling me “You are so independent , strong (emotionally and mentally) and sorted. You must be feel very lucky” and so I believe. I take on situations head on and often find myself emerging on the stronger side with maturity. I have an exceptional confidence that very few have which maybe sets me apart but this very confidence has attached the “bitch” image to me in front of many. My outlook can be intimidating but let me tell you, you don’t know one tenth of my emotions. I am messed up. Yes! I am so fucking good at pretending at times that I surprise myself too. There is no doubt that I am everything mentioned above but what you don’t know is that I am “over-sensitive”.
I feel too much, hurt easily and push people away as much as I want them to stay close and tight. I feel so deeply about every Godamn thing that it almost feels like a curse even though it’s nothing but a blessing. But I have known all this since the very beginning. What I have come to realize is something that will now change my life because I am going to work on it and save myself from feeling miserable henceforth.
REALIZATION: I have an invisible “Caution” tag on my emotions which NOONE till date has seem to notice. What I realized is something that I have read in a thousand quotes and heard people talk about it every now and then. I EXPECT. I expect certain things from certain people. It is not about expecting “too much” or what is required. NO! THE only problem is that I expect and I am hurt every single time because…duh! So, the problem is that If I am hurt when my expectations are not met simply means that I do not accept people as they are. I have pushed away so many people and i have had enough of it already.
I create an image of a certain person to be a certain way in my head and that is what causes the problem because they are actually doing what they can in their full potential but it is the image I have of them IN MY HEAD which leaves me disappointed and angry.
I’m sure I am not the only one facing this! But I might be one of the very few to have realized and exercise the other side to it. To accept people and not expect a thing. Maybe then, even the simple silly things might be the reason for my happiness. I will work on this because I do not want to push people away anymore, I want to improve myself and find happiness in every little thing. I want to not be angry with people and myself so often and start living in the moment. I guess we all need to do that.
The whole jazz of “You expect from the people you love” is utter bullshit. You expect, that is your problem. Accept people the way they are, keep no expectations and just let things be. Smile more often. Then see how beautiful every will be. One step at a time!